The Mistress of London
It was 2008 when I decided to take a small trip to London . I`ve heard so much about the city and the attractions that I had to see it for my self . So I decided to go on a 7-day trip . The first days were like any other tourist . The tower , the bridge , the royal guards , parks and so on .
With a friend we departed from Genoa , Italy international airport . I don`t recommend the airport for the ill hearted . Literally the runway ends on the Mediterranean sea . So if you think that the landing strip on a normal airport is scary and makes you shiver , imagine seeing that the plane takes off and you can see the water closer and closer to you .
Anyway , upon arriving we took a tourist map and started walking around the city . As a football fanatic we decided to pinpoint the stadiums and what else was in the vicinity .
So we first started to go to the WestHam United stadium , just a walk through the Indian district of London . By the way . Luckily now we have Booking.com , but then we had to move from a hotel to another . And it wasn`t a pleasant experience . All the cheaper hotels were owned mainly by Indians and the services were exactly like the slums of Mumbai . Don`t bother to buy an all-inclusive cause the breakfast is like food that would serve in an Mental Hospital .
But the people were nice . Polite and if you ask the right question to the right person you might end up in jail , on the ground or on a happy and pleasant experience.
Next was the Chelsea stadium . Decent area , streets full with shops and malls , buildings exactly like a typical British style . Nice . So we went to the stadium took a few pictures with the tourist attractions , but unfortunately the stadium was closed . And we were truly Chelsea fans at the moment . So we decided to see how the stadium looks on the inside . Like morons we saw an open gate an went in and took a staircase up the stadium and went in to a certain point … Luckily nobody saw us or thought that 2 stupid morons just misplaced the do not enter locations . Good . We saw the stadium , now let`s go back . I`m not good with faces , but when we exited , and went back to the main entry I think I saw a Chelsea player parking an XKR Jaguar in the back of the stadium . Not because we knew who he was exactly . Just because he was looking stupid at us , like what the fuck are you doing here .
The Royal Palace was interesting , but not as much as the squirrels in the park near the palace . Like pigeons in Venice they were so familiar with people that you could feed them from your hand .
Royal RedCoats or how they`re called on horses walked the streets nearby and I didn`t manage to give the finger to the queen . Sorry for that . The prince I meant .
Museum on the Tower Bridge , the Parliament , and other places . If you want to have a drink contest , don`t , for the love of God challenge a brit . It was literally freezing and outside the pubs they were drinking beer in t-shirts . And please walk away sober if you decide to drink until 4-5 am . They have a tendency to be most polite that you have to run for 1 km so you don`t spend the rest of your vacation in the hospital .
Moving on . Enough with the bridges and stadiums . Like I said . If you ask the right person and it all ends well you can get a new map of London . So we decided to go to the , not Liverpool station , I really don`t remember the name . All I know is that a famous theatre is located nearby . Something like the Moulin Rouge . We gave him 20 pounds and he told us a few tips on where to go and what to buy if you want to have a pleasant and intriguing experience . So now we have pointers , about 600 pound each and 50 pence to walk through the heroin junkies laying on the floor in the train station bathroom . I paid 20 pounds to visit the Tower Bridge museum just to see some stupid shit with wheels and ropes , and it only cost me 50 pence to see a bathroom full with junkies . Nice
So It`s not relevant to say how or what we bought for this experience , but I have to say that I’m ashamed for myself .I’m ashamed that my friend was a virgin , but we had to change this . I could have ordered a 50-pound prostitute that needed the cash for a new fix , but I`m a nice guy . In a place , inside the city there is a magical place were shoes are not allowed beyond a certain point , and if you`re enough generous the shoes are your least concern . It was a small Japanese under the map massage parlor .
And I truly respect the Japanese for there traditions . Saki and champaign , 3 or 4 girls beside you dressed in they`re most common fashion and 400 pounds gone . But it was worth it . I never encountered a more pleased company and for my dear friend , I should have bought him heroin from those junkies . This way he could speak for the remaining 3 days .
The story goes on just like any other tourist . A walk beside the river , a try to take a trip with the ferice wheel , I mean half an hour suspended in the air at that height ! No thank you . Hummer limousines all around the city , the economic district of London and a small glimpse of that egg shape building , I like structures and their unique designs . And then back .