All the guilt and fucks
I don`t know if I`m writing these articles because it`s supposed to mean something to someone or just trying to evade my former self. I mean , evade , how the fuck can I say evade when every week my life goes on worse than before .
I write about women in a manner that many will see as offensive and for sure will judge me as a depressive fuck with a lot of issues .
I love women . I cherish women . I like fucking , but don`t we all ?
If what I wrote until now makes you wonder if I`m just a crazy desperate housewife , no offense to any wives, just a reference from the TV show , then here something from the past .
Like 5 or 6 years ago I choose to go on a small vacation in the middle of the winter to Constanta , Romania just to see with my own eyes how a frozen sea looks like . And it was beautiful . I mean the waves got so big that for a few meters the sea looked like it was crafted by God himself .
But on this trip I decided to make a call to an escort agency , more like a nightclub , I had a friend , so she sent me two girls . I was like 22 and they were like 20 or so . Powder , bourbon whiskey , weed , a hotel room and 2 girls at my pleasure .
After a few drinks they started undressing , licking themselves , I can`t describe the image . We tore down the bed , actually the room , and I was also banned from the hotel because I refused to pay for the damages . We fucked in every spot in that hotel room , even the chairs on the balcony were fucked .
And after all that night the only thing that I had was nothing . No guilt , no pain , no love . Nothing . Just empty .
Am I broken ? I wasn`t always like this . I once felt love . I was 19 and I was in love . She was perfect . Nothing could change that memory of happiness , until at one point . The point when it all went down . She broke up with me and from that moment one I become this . They say that if you have trust , you will have certain things . In all aspects of life . But not for all . I don`t have trust , I just trust myself that whatever this is , is working . On the fuck part .
There are no romance stories here . And even if I try , I know how it would end . And by romance I mean to find somebody with whom you can love , watch a movie , wake up every day next to her , bake shit and those things .
I know I`m broken , but …