Faith or just pure coincidence ?
I fucked up ! But I can take all the blame . I tried changing . And I really meant it . I found somebody but that somebody didn`t find me , or at least something in me . So , I did what I do better . I fuck . Nearby the city center in a quiet place , a quiet room , only me and the bottle of wine , until she comes in . If I was upset you should have seen here . Looking at the phone and swapping next and next on every picture on Instagram . A bottle of wine should be not savoured alone , especially when someone is sadder than you .
So I asked here , actually bothered here with a question . Would you mind if I offer you a glass of wine seeing that were both alone and it`s a waste drinking a bootle of wine alone than with pleasant company . She just looked at me for 10 seconds without even speaking then I saw a small drop of tear coming from her left eye . Enough to know that she had had it worse . Probably a break-up. After a small chat she accepted my invitation and we started talking and told me thinks that I won`t reveal here . She started to touch me , and the pain that she felt inside is much worse than what I had in me . I say that I love women , but is that love . Meaningless sex , obscure acts of vengeance on my on torture put upon others .
After 40 minutes of chatting with here we finally decided to go up to here place . The bottle of wine was gone . We were both drunk . When arrived at her place , she opens the door she takes me to her bedroom were , even I was surprised . For once I wasn`t the one in control . All the hatred in the world she had , she bestowed it on me . We fucked until none of us could breathe. She was amazing and there were no more tears . I guess I was the one used . She doesn`t responds to my texts or calls , which would be normal for me . But as a stupidity I thought we had a connection , not just a rebound fuck from here side .
It`s here choice . If I was a just a rebound , then it`s your choice . Call him , go back to him , call me again .
What can you destroy more in me that isn`t destroyed yet ?
I told you I hate my life . I fucked so many women but loved so few that I don`t have the concept of emotion or love as you call it anymore. On my first letter I asked my self if I was a crazy or just a fool . Maybe I deserve this . Maybe this is my punishment for my life choices .