Same Spot !
Same spot , same girl and just a week over . Maybe it’s not just pure coincidence that the bar I choose has to be with this one . Odd is that she waved at me . What did she see ? I wonder ?! Loneliness, pain , confusion or just the lonely nights every night still thinking what happened before . She gave me a wave so I gave her a clue . A clue without an answer. The reason ? Did I just wanted to be left alone or was it something else ? Fear ! More like boredom. Maybe the glass of wine is more comforting and soothing now .
Amsterdam changed me . I become something that I neither can control or understand . It becomes a loose end of my own doing .
In my past I’ve done things further than the imaginable . I took the woman without permission, fear and it never ended well . I’m not a relationship guy . I can’t tell you my longest relationship but I can tell you my shortest. It lasted for 10 minutes in the bathroom of a nightclub in Bucharest . I don’t remember names . My parents say that not even as a child I could remember , but that’s not true . I had friends . But now ? Either I don’t care or just can’t remember . So many , that with all honesty I don’t care anymore
I’m writing this with here beside me . Just looking , curious , just a pinch of a peak . Is she curious what I’m writing or to whom ?
I don’t even bother trying . Would it help ? Would it be worth it ?
I’m tired . Someone even said I’m a freak . I actually have the power to convince them that I’m a mistake , making them feel good about there selfs so I don’t have to wonder or receive 3.00 am texts with ‘what happened or why are you not answering your phone .
Maybe at the end of this bottle I’ll give it a go . Or least try to see if can understand what I’ve missed from here . But I know that sold my soul to the devil way long ago , and my deepest fear but somehow a desire is to prove me right ! That I can change or that I truly found my true self again .